What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 11:53
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Why does the UK Labour MP Jess Philips seem to be such a divisive figure?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
How can couples reverse the buildup of resentment once they notice it?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
So whats the point in blame.
If you could go back and rewrite the Legend of Korra, what would you change, and why?
Ive learnt so much.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
How do you write lyrics for a song that resonates with listeners?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
All the time i was locked up.
What sexual experience did you have at a highway rest area?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i lived it daily.
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Why did i forgive my father ?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He knew the spot.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
How do you find out who your handler is as a targeted individual?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why don't I get sleep at nights?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What’s a historical event you wish more people talked about?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
So, i spoilt her more .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were not on the streets..
This is soul school!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She was in good health!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was scared of men, in general
She found it foreign!.
Would this be the day?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I have no regrets .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I said to her
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i do to all so called friends.?
I will be 64.
I was very sick at this time too.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She married twice! .
But, we were locked up after school.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I think the readers, may guess!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Who then, do I blame.?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im still living with it.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Comes on , in middle age.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He resisted the act ,that day.
It was going to be , some day.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But it wasn’t much.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She loved him until the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
When she asked me how she looked .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One cannot live in the past .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
We all went to grammer schools
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I waited trembling.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I write beautiful poetry .
(And it was in our own minds.)
What did i know ?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was 9 years of age.
I was seconnd youngest,
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I don,t even have a pension.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My life is so biszare .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She wouldn,t have been !
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I could never make a relationship work though!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I had hoped to write a book about this .